Lookin' for a Party

Hey peeps. I'm looking for a party. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, and my parents said they aren't going to stay up until midnight. Lame. New Year's Eve is supposed to mean booze and bitches (clarification: female dogs), and I'm stuck home with two fuddy duddies and Lulu.

So invite me to your party. I will be the life of the party. Call me. Or text me. Or just come kidnap me.

FLASH

Wordless Wednesday

Nothing like a mid-morning slumber...FLASH

Chunky Monkey

Is it just me or has Lulu grown a double chin? Looks like someone needs to lay off the corn dogs...FLASH

My adventure to Berry Springs Park

First: I had a nice Christmas. Santa Paws was very good to me, as he should be since I am a good boy. It was great to meet some new family members from Michigan. They seemed to find me very cute and entertaining, so I like them.

Old Man said good thing Christmas was on Saturday, because according to him I did something very naughty yesterday. Long story short: I rolled in fresh horse (pig?) poop until my coat was covered in it. We went to Berry Springs Park in Georgetown and as soon as I got scent of fresh cow manure, I slipped my collar and made a run for it, rolling around and around while Mom screamed to stop and the Old Man stared dumbfounded at me.

Once I had my fill of fresh cow poop, I went to Mom to get my collar back on but no one wanted anything to do with me. Mom took over her coat and began wiping me down with it and saying 'bad, bad boy.' Bad boy? Doesn't she know if you're a dog, this fascination with stinky bouquets is normal?

That ended my park trip and I was dragged back to the car. I tried to alert Mom that she left her jacket behind but she said I ruined it. Once back at the house, I was forced into the shower where I was thoroughly scrubbed of all my fresh manure.

The effect of rolling in another animals' excrement is about as good as it gets for some dogs. I wish my parents understood this.

FLASH

And sometimes I really do like the guy...

The Old Man saved me from looking like this on Christmas.Mom was seriously going to buy these and make me wear them, but the Old Man put his foot down. Sometimes I really do like that guy...

FLASH

Who IS this guy?

I witnesssed a few disturbing conversations yesterday.

Mom told the Old Man she wanted pancakes for Christmas breakfast. My ears instantly perked up at the word 'pancake' as I love those things, particularly shaped as a kitty cat and covered in syrup. The Old Man said he doesn't know how to make pancakes. Seriously. Who doesn't know how to make pancakes???

Mom also told the Old Man that the movie 'Elf' is showing at the Drafthouse this week, and she wants to go see it. The Old Man sat there with a blank stare on his face, and said he's never seen it. I barked, 'C'mon, it's a CLASSIC. Will Ferrell as Buddy the Elf. Surely you've seen it.'

Nope. The Old Man has never seen Elf. He doesn't know how to make pancakes. Who IS this guy?

Christmas is ruined.

FLASH

Weekend Highlights & Lowlights

Happy Monday Flash lovers. Here are a few highlights and lowlights of my trip to Dallas this weekend.

• Lowlight: The drive to Dallas sucked. Traffic sucked kitty snickers and it took us 4.5 hours to get there. Lulu released her anal glands on the drive up which made it an extra special trip.
  
• Lowlight: Since we were late we also missed Christmas lunch.
  
• Highlight: Grandpa Jerry was there. He gave us lots of treats, belly rubs and bought us a corn dog from Sonic.
  
• Highlight/Lowlight: There were lots of little people there. Lulu did not do so well with the little people (she growled when they tried to wrestle and pin her to the ground). For the most part I like the little people. I tolerate when they pull my tail and try to ride me like a pony. One thing, however, I will not tolerate is being kicked. Luckily mom stepped in so I did not have to seek revenge by pooping in their shoes.
  
• Highlight: They live in the country, so lots of good sniffing.
  
• Lowlight: There were large amounts of bacon, but I was not given any.
  
• Highlight: There was a present for me under the tree.
  
• Highlight: The drive home did not take near as long as the drive up.
  
• Lowlight: I had to ride home with the Old Man. He had gas.

FLASH

Facebook Me

Your favorite basset is now on Facebook! Keep up to date with my daily eating, sleeping and pooping by Facebooking me at
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/profile.php?id=100001677565085

FLASH

Dear Mom, please read this...

What does a basset have to do around here to get a corn dog? Methinks it's a corn dog kind of day.

So, who is going to bring me a corn dog????

FLASH

Dallas Bound

It appears as if we are Dallas bound again this weekend. The Old Man is heading up early (please take Lulu with you) and the rest of us will be heading up Saturday morning.

I will be Mom's co-pilot and lick her on the face when I want a milkbone. For long distance trips such as this I prefer the passenger seat of our Honda Civic. No reason to sit in the back seat considering all I’ve done for this family. Lest you worry, I will buckle up for safety’s sake, especially since my mother is at the helm.

I will ask her to keep car moving preferably 5 miles above the speed limit so we can get there by lunch time. We're going to visit the Old Man's family to celebrate Christmas and they cook a lot of food that makes me put on my best begging face. And there's always bacon. Lots of bacon.

I also hope there will be several presents addressed to Flash Toby under the tree. If not, it may cause me to go on a massive peeing spree. I also hope the little people do not pull my tail again this year.

FLASH

Wii

I remember my first video game system … Sega Genesis. It was a hand me down from my father. Although I enjoyed Donkey Kong immensely, my all time favorite was Burgertime.

Let’s be honest, what’s not to like about making burgers that are five times bigger than the chef? I’d just wished I’d had opposable thumbs so I could control the game better.

Life is so much easier for pups today because they have access to the Wii. Although I don’t have any direct experience with the system, I’m waiting for the next generation Poo to come out, I hear the system kills.

To back that up, here’s a story I came across.

A puppy has been brought back from the dead by mouth-to-mouth resuscitation – after it was nearly killed by a wayward Nintendo Wii controller.

Five-month-old Ozzy, a miniature Sheltie belonging to Kathy White of Marquette in Michigan, was knocked unconscious and stopped breathing after White accidentally hit him with the Wiimote while playing Wii Sports Bowling.

‘We had just got the Wii for Christmas, so we were trying it out,’ White told 9news.com, ‘and that’s when Alexis and I were bowling and Ozzy was standing by me and he jumped up and I hit him in the temple and killed him instantly.’

Fortunately for Ozzy, White’s neighbour Pene Honey responded to her call for help – and managed to bring him back from the brink by giving him mouth-to-mouth.

I don’t know what surprises me more; that one shot to the temple can kill you or that bowling is considered a sport.

FLASH

R.I.P.

R.I.P Mister Gingerbread Man

Get your wallets out...

It's time to get your wallets out this weekend and do some shopping for your favorite basset! I'll take two of everything.

FLASH

Proof that Dogs and Their Owners Look Alike

Proof that Dogs and Their Owners Look Alike

On a side note, Mom took Lulu and I to Petsmart last night for a new toy. We came home with a new box of Milkbones and a stuffed squeaky toy which we promptly ripped to shreds. Had to show 'em who's boss.

FLASH

Wordless Wednesday

Aren't I handsome?

Back from Vegas...

I'm back from Vegas 100 milkbones richer and 5 pounds heavier. I didn't do anything too stupid like get hitched while I was in Sin City, but I had a damn good time. Now if you excuse me I'm a little hungover from all the paryting so I think I'll take a nap.

Hasta later.
FLASH

VIVA LAS VEGAS!

I've got my bags packed, and I am ready to PARTY! This time tomorrow Flash T. Ruyle will be airbound and headed West towards beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada.

I'm hoping my time there closely resembles the scenes from the movie 'The Hangover.'

But I won't be able to tell you about my trip. Because, remember, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!

FLASH

My Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I have tried very hard to be a good dog this year, so here is my Christmas wish list. As you can see it is not very long, but some of the items on it may be quite tricky for you to arrange.

First of all, I would like a quiet Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, I love visitors, but my parents tend to get a bit busy when visitors are around, and I miss out on walks and play sessions. Please don’t let too many small crawling people come to visit. Last time they visited they pulled my tail and even stole my toys, which really isn’t nice.

The best bit about Christmas is all the food. Turkey, pumpkin pies and chocolate all smell delicious and I am very keen to try them all, but apparently I am not allowed to as they could make me very sick. I hope no one leaves them lying around as I am not very good at resisting temptation, and frankly it's just cruel and unusual punishment.

As far as actual presents go there isn’t much that I need (however it could be argued that I deserve a lot based on my good beahvior all year). A new Kong would be good as mine is looking a bit chewed and tatty. Kongs are definitely the best way to eat - so much more fun than a boring food bowl. Having said that, I would be quite happy to try out any of the other puzzle feeders.

Also, please bring me squeaky toys and treats. Lots of treats actually. Did I mention that I really like pork ears? And, most importantly - NO CLOTHES please.

Look forward to seeing you on Christmas Eve. I promise not to chase the reindeer but please shout ‘hello’ before you come down the chimney. I wouldn’t want to mistake you for a burglar.


Tail wags and licks,
FLASH

PS. Please, please don’t let my parents make me wear the reindeer horns.