What's Wrong With this Picture?

Help me out, I'm a little bit confused.

Please review the situation below and let me know if you find it a little disturbing.

An Overview of My Mom's Day:

4:45 am: wake-up, workout.

7 am: Walk Lu and I, feed us kibble. Shower and rush to work.

8 am - 5 pm: Sit in an office and work all day. By the way, this office does not have windows.

5:15 pm: Come home, walk Lu and I and lavish us with all her attention.

5:45 pm: Evening work in the heat. Yeah, she's crazy.

7:30 pm: Dinner.

9 pm: Bed. Repeat the next day.

An Overview of the Old Man's Day:

Wake-up in time for a 10 am tee time. Play 18 holes of golf. Get home from golf around 3 pm, text my Mom and tell her he's going to take a nap. 6 pm: Wake up from said nap. 7 pm: Meet the boys at Applebees for some pregame beers. 9 pm: Play softball with his team (mom calls them the Bad News Bears...ssshhhh). 11 pm: Arrive home, go to bed. Repeat the next day.

I know I'm only a dog, and my opinion may not count, but this seems a little unfair to me. Perhaps the Old Man should buy her those new Lululemon running shorts she's been eyeing to even things out a bit.

Sibling Rivalry

Dear Flash & Lulu,

Please do not CONSTANTLY fight over the same toy, it is really annoying. You have hundreds of carcasses, balls, ropes, and other toys so why do you always both want the same stupid bone? Why? It's not even really a toy???

I am not a referee.

My lap is not a cushion for your hairy bodies.

You are siblings and grown dogmen, work it out yourself.

Love you both with all my heart, but please stop annoying me,

Your Momma

P.S. Would it kill you to run a vacuum every now and then?

Your hair is out of control you wooly mammoths.

This Really Happened. True Story.

This is a true story of what happened on a walk yesterday with Mom.

Lulu decided to poop right on an ant pile. In turn, her hind legs became covered with ants. Mom tried to save her by frantically wiping the ants off Lulu with her hands. In turn, Mom got ant bites all over her hands and ankles.

Lulu is dumb, but Mom is dumber. I just sat back and laughed.

WTF

Wordless Wednesday

Good morning!

Jeremiah was a Bullfrog...

Jeremiah was a bull frog. Was a good friend of mine. I never understood a single word he said but I helped him a-drink his wine. And he always had some mighty fine wine.

I loved that song growing up. Sure it was old, even back then, but it was still a classic. To celebrate the song’s anniversary I had Jeremiah over for dinner late last night. He was delicious.

Thursday Thoughts

Some things I can’t put a price on. Things like always having plenty of food, unlimited nap time and farting in bed.

For humans, I’d put dog ownership in the same class. You can’t buy the companionship a canine offers for any price.

Seriously, where else could humans turn to find a non-judgemental animal willing to put up with their psychotic behavior? Maybe there’s a species on Mars willing to put up with it, but not here on earth.

So, Old Man, stop yelling at me for excessive sniffing on our walks, dragging mulch into the living room (just trying to decorate), pooping on the back porch or chasing toads in the backyard....or else, I'll take my show on the road to some other lucky human.

Friendly PSA

Just a friendly public service announcement from your favorite basset hound: Father's Day is Sunday, people.

While I may take a jab or two at the Old Man, truth be told, he's a good guy. So, I dug out some change from underneath the couch cushion and headed out purchase him a Father's Day gift. I came back with this card and double pack of milk-bones.

What.....? You don't think he's going to like the milk bones? Well, I'll be damned.

Guess I'll take one for the team and eat them.

I'm Back!

FLASH T. Ruyle is back and with a great story for your Monday.

I’m not one for talking on the phone a lot. In fact, I rarely pick up the phone. If you think about it, what’s the upside? You can’t get a treat through the phone and you know any praise you get won’t be followed up with a good scratch behind the ears.

The only reason for having a phone is to call out, like when you need a Papa John's Pizza. Or if your owner is in need of medical attention.

PHOENIX, Ariz. — 911 dispatchers have heard it all, but this one is the most unusual. When the operator answered a call, she heard a dog barking on the other end.

For Joe Stalnaker, his dog buddy is more than a best friend, he’s a guardian angel.

Buddy saved Joe’s life by grabbing the phone and calling 911 when Joe was having a seizure — and he also barked and whimpered for the operator, who sent paramedics after tracing the call.

Some of you may be wondering how Buddy ‘grabbed’ the phone. There are certain hounds out there that have extra long paws allowing them to wrap the paw around the phone’s receiver. Unfortunately, mine are short and stubby so I use the speakerphone.

“He’s just an amazing animal. I don’t know of any other dog that can do the things he can do.”

Needless to say, but I will anyway, Joe hasn’t met me yet.

FLASH

Who's Handsome? I am.

I'll be gone from blog land for a little while, but hopefully these handsome pictures of yours truly (and Lulu) will hold you over until I'm back.

Thanks Aunt Sarah for the great pictures!

FLASH

National Running Day

All I've been hearing about today is that it's National Running Day. Mom has been going on and on about it all day. She even ripped the covers off the Old Man sleeping this morning shouting 'It's National Running Day, get up and run!'. I just don't get the appeal.

Running really sucks. I’d much rather walk. I don’t mind jogging very very slowly. So slowly that I’m actually walking. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t like exercise. I enjoy walking at a certain clip. I enjoy that very much. Some might even call that speed walking. Call it what you will. I really don’t like running though. I find it very distasteful. I don’t like it all. Why? That’s the obvious question. Why? Why Flash do you not like running? Well, let’s start with the superficialities:

1) It’s look stupid. No, let me correct myself: I look stupid. I look like a zucchini with legs. No, worse, zucchini bread with legs. Have you ever seen zucchini bread running? Of course not. Because it’s stupid.

2) It’s f&^@#d up. It’s f&^@#d up because lots of times marathon runners lose control of their bowl movements near the end of the race and then they start wobbling and then they poo down their legs and that’s f&^@#d up. Wobbling/running while pooing on your own leg is nothing short of very f&^@#d up and totally stupid.

3) It feels weird. Very weird. It feels very weird to have my skin and muscle tissue moving up and down on my frame. It’s like pulled pork. I’m afraid that I might at any moment turn a corner the wrong way and my carcass go flying off its hinges. That would suck. It would also be very disgusting. It would suck, be disgusting, f&^@#d up and stupid.

4) It’s bad for you. I already mentioned the part about the pooing on the leg but it also gets your heart pumping and that could make you have a heart attack. Who wants that to happen? Not me. The last thing I want is to be running the last few miles of marathon, with crud streaming down my leg, then suddenly I have a heart attack all because I decide to run instead of walk at a clip. Running causes heart attacks. There’s no documentation to prove that but it’s true.

5) If you’re a male your wiener flaps around like a wind sock. I can’t speak for the ladies but I’m assuming that the same could be said for your boobs.

In conclusion, running is bad for you; it makes you poo on your own leg; zucchini bread, wind-sock. It’s much better if you walk at certain clip.

Nothankyou National Running Day. I'll stick to walking.

FLASH