Check out the drool bubble I blew while sleeping on Mom's lap. She especially appreciated the puddle of drool I left on the leather couch.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
For the Love of God Mow the Lawn
So I went out this morning to do my business only to find the grass so high I couldn’t help but pee on my leg.
I gotta say, the old man is a slacker when it comes to household chores. When was the last time he mowed the place? Probably a few weeks ago.
This wouldn't be a problem in the drought days of late, but the Old Man keeps watering the yard. Grass, just add water and it grows. Reminds me of the Sea Monkey I brought to life many moons ago. Let me be clear about something, when I use the word grass I mean stuff that grows in the back yard that is green. Others, with finer backyard tastes, would use the word, weeds.
Regardless, the only way to get it down to a manageable level is to eat it. You know, chew it like a Cow chews its cud. I then have the option to throw it up somewhere inside the house. It’s a family favorite so I do it often.
I gotta say, the old man is a slacker when it comes to household chores. When was the last time he mowed the place? Probably a few weeks ago.
This wouldn't be a problem in the drought days of late, but the Old Man keeps watering the yard. Grass, just add water and it grows. Reminds me of the Sea Monkey I brought to life many moons ago. Let me be clear about something, when I use the word grass I mean stuff that grows in the back yard that is green. Others, with finer backyard tastes, would use the word, weeds.
Regardless, the only way to get it down to a manageable level is to eat it. You know, chew it like a Cow chews its cud. I then have the option to throw it up somewhere inside the house. It’s a family favorite so I do it often.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Well, good morning...
I know it's been a while since I've blogged. And, in case you're wondering, I'm still waiting on that ride to Wendy's for my Baconator. It appears I might be waiting for awhile. Which leads me into my next segment.
Fat ass. I’ve been called it a few times lately. In fact, according to the vet, I'm supposed to be on a diet.
It isn’t easy keeping the pounds off when you are getting older than the dirt you hide your bones under, especially when it's 100+ degrees out every day, coupled with an ever present hankering for treats.
The extreme heat has minimized my exercise, and in fact, has allowed me to employ my own live in nurses. OK, the nurses are my parents, but I do allow them to live in my house. If I didn’t who would get up at 5:00 in the morning to rub my belly and refill my water bowl with some fresh H20 goodness? Certainly not my sister Lulu.
Hey, I get it. I know I should watch what I eat. The good thing is my parents are a bit lenient.
I thank my lucky bones I’m not the Bo from the White House who gets an earful from mother Michelle O’Bama about the downside of polishing off a box of Milkbones. I imagine he hears this while she’s polishing off a double bacon cheeseburger.
It seems society doesn’t dig overweight creatures that are filled with love…and meatloaf.
Fat ass. I’ve been called it a few times lately. In fact, according to the vet, I'm supposed to be on a diet.
It isn’t easy keeping the pounds off when you are getting older than the dirt you hide your bones under, especially when it's 100+ degrees out every day, coupled with an ever present hankering for treats.
The extreme heat has minimized my exercise, and in fact, has allowed me to employ my own live in nurses. OK, the nurses are my parents, but I do allow them to live in my house. If I didn’t who would get up at 5:00 in the morning to rub my belly and refill my water bowl with some fresh H20 goodness? Certainly not my sister Lulu.
Hey, I get it. I know I should watch what I eat. The good thing is my parents are a bit lenient.
I thank my lucky bones I’m not the Bo from the White House who gets an earful from mother Michelle O’Bama about the downside of polishing off a box of Milkbones. I imagine he hears this while she’s polishing off a double bacon cheeseburger.
It seems society doesn’t dig overweight creatures that are filled with love…and meatloaf.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Wordless Wednesday
These coupons came in the mail yesterday...who wants to drive me to Wendy's? One Baconator for you, three for me...
Monday, July 11, 2011
Monday Humor
How can my old man lose 40 lbs of ugly fat really fast?
By cutting off his head.
How does my neighbor Dino, a dachshund, lose 20 lbs of ugly fat really fast?
By divorcing his chihuahua wife.
By cutting off his head.
How does my neighbor Dino, a dachshund, lose 20 lbs of ugly fat really fast?
By divorcing his chihuahua wife.
Hahaha…I got loads of ‘em folks and I’ll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress. Try the veal. You’ve been a great audience goodnight everydog.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
Avert your eyes...
I've come across something very disturbing on the Interwebs. Disturbing, like WOAH! I was perusing the web, looking for pictures of hot female dogs, and came across these photos instead.
Yes, that is my Old Man. And, no, I don't know why he's hanging out around town in a pink swim cap, top less, and in tight girlie shorts. Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm just wondering if I should go to the authorities with these pictures? Can you help me friends... what does one classify as indecent exposure??
Yes, that is my Old Man. And, no, I don't know why he's hanging out around town in a pink swim cap, top less, and in tight girlie shorts. Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh.Shit. There he is again. Now he's hanging out around town on his bike, still topless, and wearing a neon blue helmet.
I'm just wondering if I should go to the authorities with these pictures? Can you help me friends... what does one classify as indecent exposure??
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