You Can't Afford Me...

My mom came across an article on the interwebs that talked about money saving tips for dog owners. I told her if she's going to take it seriously then she can’t afford me. Here’s the advice they give on food:

Carrots

If you live with a career chewer, you know how expensive it can be to dole out rawhides or other chew treats day in and day out. One cheap option is carrots. They satisfy most dogs’ yearning for a chew with a little give, and they won’t stain your carpet.

Don’t feel too virtuous, though. Because dogs lack the digestive enzymes to break down cellulose, vegetables must be pulverized to provide nutritional value. Also, carrots tend to give a dog’s coat an orangy tint.

Green beans

Even though vets warn about the dire consequences of obesity, most owners wimp out because they can’t stand the pleading eyes or the incessant whines.

Try substituting canned green beans, which are low in calories but high in bulk, to the newly reduced portions. Chunky monkeys will still feel sated.

Parmesan cheese

Fussy eaters can be infuriating. This simple trick is a favorite of stud-dog owners. When the dogs go on a hunger strike to protest lack of access to the object of their affections, sprinkle the potent grated cheese atop the regular food and cross your fingers.

I admit, I like Parmesan cheese on my veal picata but under no circumstances do I see the enjoyment in eating green beans or carrots. If you’re an owner feeding this to your dog, please, give the canine up for adoption.

FLASH