Flash T. Ruyle to the Rescue

I've been hearing a lot lately about an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. My mom says this is old news, but don't blame me, the Old Man hogs the computer and the remote so I usually am a little behind on my current events.

Anyway, this oil spill, it's been bothering me. And, I've decided to do something about it. I am going to save the world from itself: I am offering my services to clean up the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

It has been clearly documented that dog hair soaks up the oily remnants of drilling platforms gone bad better than sponges, handy wipes, and even wildlife. Quite simply, dog hair is to oil as paper towels are to pee in a living room.

I’m not here to point a paw at anybody. Not British Petroleum, not the government, and not even Charlie, the local tomcat. Maybe it’s because I don’t have any Irish Setter in my bloodlines; you know how much they like to point their paws.

But here's my proposal: I like swimming. I like the gulf. I’d like to go swimming in the Gulf and soak up some sun, and a bunch of premium grade oil. How could anyone refuse my offer?

According to my sources, aides to Portuguese Water Dog in charge Bo Obama, are said to be sniffing through my proposal before making any public comments.

A few haters have expressed some concern over my idea. They say: “What’s to keep him from peeing in the gulf, or worse, pooping in it? This could lead to two environmental disasters rather than just the one we’re dealing with now.”

Ultimately it comes down to approvals; the first from Bo Obama and the administration, and the second from my parents.

To be honest, I know I’ll be very tired from the swims, but I’m more worried about my hair. The oily, grunge look may work in Seattle, but in my home town the bitches like the Justin Bieber poofy hair look. With Bieber fever infecting the canine community, it will be tough, but I’m committed to the cause.

Time will tell whether I will be allowed to help those humans unable to help themselves.

FLASH