"Jail Break"

Lately, I've taken to some escape tactics that my parents like to call "jail breaks." I secretly watch my parents approach the front door from the window, and when they open it, I love to break free and roam the neighborhood.

This, as one may suspect, causes my parents great fear. In their mind, what is to keep me from darting out in front of a car, or of getting lost and not finding my way home again?

Let me take this opportunity to break down my parents’ unfounded fears.

In all honesty, the chance of me getting hit by a vehicle is slim to none.

Three reasons why: 1) I love life too much, 2) It would be painful, and 3) There is no assurance it would get the job done. With my luck, I’d end up alive, and drinking my dinner through a straw the rest of my life.

Sorry, not taking that chance.

As to getting lost and not finding my way home? C’mon, I’m a dog not a toddler.

The main reason is that I pee on every possible landmark I see on my excursions. Not only does this make the neighborhood smell nice, but it acts as my yellow brick road home. Just because I don’t come running to my parents as they canvas the neighborhood for me, doesn’t mean I’m lost. It just means I’m ignoring them.

Speaking of my parents, it's their Anniversary today! They've been married three years, and damned if I can explain how my mom has put up with the Old Man that long. Anyway, cheers to them both on this special day....a day almost as special as the day they brought me home.

FLASH