Greetings from your favorite cousin Flash T. Ruyle. I really enjoyed the time we spent together in March when you and your Italian man-friend came down to visit us. I thought we totally bonded over the weekend. So, you can understand my dismay when mom received an invitation to your wedding in August, and my name was not included in the invitation (however, Lulu I can understand).
Instead, you invited this guy (the old man):
Since I’m always well behaved, especially in social situations, I wonder why I was not invited to go to your formal affair?No, I don’t play golf like the old man. Although the word ‘play’ is being generous to what I witnessed.
No, I don't dance like the old man, but believe me - his dancing is not something you want at your wedding anyway. And, I can make quite the sculpture out of poop. Probably out of wedding cake too. Where is my 15 minutes of fame for that?
No, I don’t have cancer, unless you count the time my mother rushed me to the vet because she thought my nipples were generous lumps of carcinoma. Yes, boy dogs have nipples, although that was news to my mother.
No, I wasn’t dumped through a library drop slot as a child like the Old Man, but I was dumped at a shelter. Who’s life story sounds like it may be more eventful?
LISTEN UP COUSIN BECKY! This is FLASH T. RUYLE, the most handsome basset hound in America. Let’s be honest, not only do I have an angelic disposition, but my long floppy ears are to die for!
And, if I haven't convinced you by now that my name should be on the invitation rather than his, then check out the photo below. It is highly likely that the old man would show up to your wedding wearing something like this:
Typical. There’s always one guest who has to make an ass out of himself. I hope you will consider my plea. I'll be looking for my invitation in the mail. And, I'll take the flank steak for dinner. Thanks.
WOOF,
FLASH
WOOF,
FLASH
Dear Flash,
ReplyDeleteYou are the most beautiful basset hound in the world. We did bond over that weekend, I really and truly enjoyed meeting you and as much as I have gone back and forth, back and forth between you and "the old man", I must say that I thought you wouldn't even want to come to the wedding for the following reasons:
1. You are so low to the ground, I thought for sure you would be too afraid of heights to even fly up to MI.
2. Our Wedding favors are chocolate candies, so I was looking out for your well-being!! Unfortunately, we all know the side effect when dogs consume chocolate...
3. "pffffffffffft" Future Cousin Tony's Response.
4. As much as there is truth when you say your poop sculptures are absolutely amazing, the old man's sub-par skill of dancing is much more preferred. Plus, it will probably make my dancing look good!
Don't worry, we will have lots of time together since Tony and I are moving down to Austin in less than a month. You can see all the pictures and I will save you a non-chocolate cupcake.
LOVE,
Cousin Becky