More Advice from Flash T. Ruyle

I've been busy. As my popularity has (understandably) grown, I keep getting more and more texts, tweets and Facebook messages from fellow pups asking for advice. Being the good Samaritan that I am, I will share my advice with the world. You're welcome.

Welcome to another installment of free advice from Yours Truly.

Dear Flash,

My mom cut all my hair yesterday… ALL… except you know where. But, I look like a teen now and don’t feel the respect from the other dogs I meet in the street … I feel naked and it stresses me… what can I do ??

Pop

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Dear Pop,

It's best if you can find a dark, quiet room without windows, and stay there until your hair grows back. If you don’t have such a room, then make sure to close all window shades so the other dogs in the neighborhood don’t see you like this.

If it’s impossible for you to stay inside, do not, I repeat, do not walk outside unless you are covered up. If you don’t heed this warning, you will be ridiculed by every dog you know…even the ones you think are your friends.

What your mother did to you is heinous but nobody ever said life is fair. Just make sure to keep your internet connection up and let me know how it’s going. Needless to say, turn the web-cam off for now.

Good luck,
Flash
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Dear Flash,

Is the moon really made out of cheese?

Mickey
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Dear Mickey,

Although I suspect you may not be a canine, I will respond nonetheless.

For centuries it was believed the moon was made out of cheese, green cheese to be exact. Of course people, who weren’t very bright, believed this. Dogs knew it was really made out of something not food related.

Let’s face it; if it were made of cheese, every dog on the planet would have been jumping towards the moon every night to get a taste of the stuff.

Anyway, it was a disappointed Neil Armstrong, landing on the moon with his cheese fondue set, that confirmed the moon is really made of rock.

Sorry to disappoint.

-Flash

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Dear Flash,

If a woodchuck could chuck wood, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Chuck
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Dear Chuck,

I don’t deal in hypotheticals. Woodchucks can’t chuck wood. Therefore the real answer is no wood would be chucked.

-Flash